Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
