I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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