I'm eating all of the evidence.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
