I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
