I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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