Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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