do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
