My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
