Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
