Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
