Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
