I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
