I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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