I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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