I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
