someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm passing your future prison.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
