he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
