Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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