i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
