Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
