It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
