My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
