if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
