Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
