i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
