dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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