Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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