Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
