i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
