Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
