you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
