the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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