thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
