I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
