Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
