First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
