It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
