making cat noises will not fix the situation.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
