Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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