did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
