Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
