I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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