its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
