i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
