I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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