I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
