I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
