Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
