it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
