I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
