let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
